Wow, I know guys its been awhile. SO here is AN UPDATE on what I have been up too!!!

First off, I have gotten my license! Yes You have NO IDEA how excited I am to have completed this. At the same time I have a car. So yes FREEDOM LOL! I have waited for this FOR A LONG TIME and its finally happened! My work has payed off!

I am still working @ walmart but Hey not so bad cause I have applyed for the position of CSM=Customer Service Manager! I have wanted that job and I am now able to get it. I passed the exam with fly colors and hopfully something happens soon.

I have been doing some searching for the Mr.Right so called. It looks like I may have some luck and hopefully what I have choosen works out for me. I can't say too much cause of the JINKS issue but I do want to point out I am def in LIKE. I have said many times and times before but this time I want it to be right. I want to chill out on my issues That have caused me problems in the passed such as falling too fast, moving to fast, giving it all way to quickly, and just being to open. This time I want to leave mystery and Want him to love me for me and not for what I have given or what I have between the legs. I also want to work on me being to shallow. I also want to be honest, focused, compassionate. I want to not thing of what I COULD HAVE and think of what I DO HAVE. ( You know thats the biggest issue today is people always think of what They Could have meaning better when in fact what you do have IS GREAT. Put the question in your head Could This Be IT, Meaning GIVE IT A CHANCE TO WORK ) I am welling to. I want this guy to be the one and Welling to give all it take to.

School didn't work out for me guys. Yes I was heading to RCC for Cosmoetogly but FASFA did come throu. But hey Next year I will see to it that I get to where I want to be. My plan is to be successful by 25 and I will work hard to get there. Hey another year is fine I guess. I have faith in the Lord and Like its said Maybe it just wasn't the right year. Everything happens for a reason.


Words Of Guidence:

Guys I anit a deep down going to church kind of guy but I know I am a Christian. Have faith in the lord and from then on out you'll know you'll be FINE. The lord will be with you every step of the way and Guide you throu your task. If it weren't for him I wouldn't be where I am today or ever in existence. I maybe on a rocky path now but soon it will get smooth. Believe in him and show him your love in doing the right things. He is welling to help you as long as you help yourself as WELL! Not a Preacher but A Christian, Not Strg8 But a Believer, A Sinner but Learning From My Mistakes and Getting on the RIGHT PATH! Be with him cause I sure AM!

Kisses PEEPS and Remember To Keep Dreaming. I sure do maybe TOO BIG LOL!

Hey guys. Its been a while I KNOW please don't jump down the throat LOL! Its just been a crazy month.

I told you in my last entry I was moving BACK home, But that has all changed. My bro said that he truly wanted to help and that me going back now would totally be a waste cause I WOULD HAVE NOT ACCOMPLISHED nothing. So College starts next month. I have my PLACEMENT TEST this thursday. I am planning on passing it but we shall find out. About my car situation, I anit able to drive yet. My bro and I chatted this morning about it and and came up with the fact that WE SHOULD wait to NEXT MONTH when money wouldn't be an issue. I would have saved enough. Saviong money isn't easy but it does grow on to you easily. I don't really want very much so spending the money isn't really onmy mind that much. I mean how can you spend when you let yourself think you have non to spend RIGHT? lol! I just want to complete my goals and make something of myself. I don't want to be diggin out of trash cans. I have to stay focused and move towards not BACKWARDS. Things can happen if you believe they will.

My cell phone was having issues right! Well they did an exchanged with me so basically got a new phone under warrenty! Well the phone get here "yes its a very cute phone and more tech" and it works FOR ABOUT A WEEK. Now the freakin speaker doesn't work meaning no rings nor speaker phone doesn't work. So if you call me I have no idea cause its on SILENT PERMENTLY LOL! So I am currently waiting for a new one.

So yeah basically nothing is going on. Enjoying life and taking the tasks full force that are thrown at ME! MUAHSSS

Its been a very interesting week. I had my 21st BIRTHDAY June 26. It was LOVELY just sat around and relaxed (actually JK went a ride to Raleigh and then to Fav. for eatting) but it was fun. I ordered my first drink LOL YAY! I know bee careful not to turn out like my latest friend PARIS (we'll never hangout anyways LOL). Went out to the bars on Friday and partied LIKE a rockstar HEHE>>>Everyone was out to get my BOOTY, seriously guys and girls were wanting me. My birthday bash - party didn't really happen my sister got pissed and canceled it basically cause no one at the time was helping her clean. So I tryed to stay out all day LOL. It felt like giving me a gift and then taking it back-But whatever I am strong welled and able to get over it. I am stil pissed but I know that I won't be able to help her at ALL!


At that note, I have been thanking and Thanking about my situation. I came to my conclusion. I AM MOVING BACK TO CONNECTICUT. Yes I know I am excited to. i have been wanting to and wanting. July is basically my last month in NC. I have grown up alittle down here and know that I can do it. I have gotten my permit, car, turned age, fixed my spending habit, and Learned to not trust everyone around you. So yes Thats the News and the last thing that I could possiably say LOL!


Keep reading,--------N maybe I might win the lOTTERY LOL!

Hey Pals.

I have named this Journal Entry Gorwing UP, cause it seems that I have actually started becoming an Adult. Granted that I have been concider by the goverment that I am but myself- in my mind and actions I wasn't quite there. Now I think I have made it there finally. I have gotten a car which was like the LONGEST WAIT IN THE WORLD! Its def a VINTAGE car 1990 OldsMobile Cutless. I love it. I feel so like classy in it. Its very cute. July 3rd I have made appointment to see THE COLLEGE I want to go to. Yes I will be going to school for Cosmetology. I am excited cause I have done hair for YEARS and now I want to do it Career wise. I am now creating my own JOURNEY and Begining to GROW in my OWN SKIN. The decisions I am making are def good decisions and its affecting me in a good way. GOD has been looking over me. If you believe and have faith your dreams and imagations can come to life. He has help me grow and help me to relize now is the time before my time gets to short. I am now making the best of the life- not saying I haven't but making more of a LIFE for myself and not allowing ANYONE or ANYTHING to stop ME. Also the path I feel I am walking is the right one. HEY HEY HEY.


I hope everyone is WELL and I am reading you POSTITS! KEEP THEM COMING!
BTW Tuesday June 19, You guys run out to your closes Music Album Store i.e. Wal-Mart, K-Mart, Target, Best Buy, Sam Goodies, or FYE -2- BUY MANDY MOORE'S New Album WILD HOPE. Its the best album I think of 2007!
KISSES :)

First Lets UPDATE YOU GUYS>
Ok I know sorry for not keeping track of this account. FORGIVE ME my peeps. And for not reading any of your entry's. Here let me promise you I will be on here more often. Ok so updates on me:

1. I got a car. Oldsmobile- But who needs a BRAND NEW car when your starting out. I LOVE IT!
2. Yes Finally I have figured out my CAREER GOAL and I will be going to school for Cosmetology. DOing HAIR
3. Anna and Jay did get married finally. Gorgeous GARDEN wedding. Def a Memory saver.
4. Days Before while Mommy was done I got my PERMIT. Don't laugh hey I needed practice, But I laugh at myself to. HEHE
5. I was OUT and IN then BACK OUT of a Relationship Nique DICK lol ( a story your about to read )
6. I GOT a new BEST FRIEND and SOULMATE Claire Burke. Def the BEST addition to my LIST!
7. I Got into a BIND with my credit account, went negative but Am def getting it back into SHAPE.
8. My hair is BACK BLACK. Missed it. Went from Chocolate Brown To Rust and Back To Black
9. Am still addicted to Y&R and Problem is I freak out if I MISS an episode.
10. Def grown much more into my SKIN.

Drama 101:

So the story I have for you guys it a MUST READ. You'll be pissed yourselves.------
It started 2 months ago when I started talking to a guy from myspace name Angel Eyes. He was def someone I did not click with on our first chat ( phone ), he was a FUCKIN Prick and Kind of MEAN. So I did what any other star would do and stop chatting with him. Well a month later he messages me on Myspace and asked me why I stopped talkin to him and MY answer was because I didn't think he was interested and HIS REPLY WAS " I was very interested " and of course a smile grew and I began to talk to him more and more. Talking to him as much as I was I became fond of him and opening up myself to let him know my feelings. Guys and Girls Soon no later than 2 weeks he started opening up himself and letting it out that he grew very fond of me and falling in love. He asked me out May 28. May 31 Thursday= I told him I was calling out of work on Sat. June 2nd and since he didn't work weekends maybe we could like chill I'd spend the night with him and come home sunday. He was all for it. Of course you know Friday a work I began to discover doubts within me, that what if he didn't approve or didn't like me? I text him that, and he assured me that everything was going to be fine. Well before I could even leave work I get a little cut in my happiness of meeting my bf. My card was denied from me buying a pack of gum. I rushed out to forget about it. Well everything was lookin bright, and seemed to be going well. Nique was trying his best to impress me by playing cds he had made (damn THE BOY can sing), showing me every picture in the book he had of himself and friends, Pictures of exes ( to let you know, he did not know what to do or think with someone as cute as me LOL )! He seemed sweet and cuddly. I began to get hungry after our jerk or oral fun we had so we headed out for some food and chill time on the beach. On the way it looked as if as anytime the clouds could burst of rain. We get to subway and I had to have a cig so I smoke and he began to get antsy, so I finished quick and grab my wallet and we head in only me to find it wasn't a good idea to go out for food CAUSE MY CARD DECLARED I WAS POOR! So he went on in line and sat shaking as I dialed up the number behind card to find out the issue ( to let you know I was trying to rush before he made it back with his food ). By the time he arrived I was speaking to the bank and he heard everything. I was going crazy inside. He offered me a piece of his sandwich (the most embarrassing moment)(remind u he did even offer to buy me anything) and I declined but he scooted a piece on a napkin anyways. I ate in silence cause basically I knew it was only going to get worst and it did.

We arrived at the beach. It was chilly but do able. It was also drisy. I took it all in. The thoughts goin through my mind was let me jump off a pier cause by this time he was cocking attitude seriously over nothing it seemed he was already not happy about me at all. Well we lefted he was trying his best to make me smile with his cockyness covered. I of course broke my core and began to think that maybe this could all turn arround. Well we get to a stop light and he leaned in on my side to ask me a question about his ear and we HIT BUMPERS which cause the car in front of us to hit a Range Rover. This didn't go bad just gave out insurance info and drove off. (the peeps in the cars were my age and HIGH). remind you that he whole damn time being with him He was pointing out other guys to me and saying wow, hello, or HOT (which kind of got old quick and pissed me off). So we get back to his place to cuddle. The whole time we are cuddling my cell rings off the freakin hook. We both fell asleep and to wake with my phone goin nuts. So He (Nique) forced me to answer. Um not a good thing. It was my dad- asking me where the HELL I was and when I got home I was going to be sittin down for LONG talk. He was pissed of the fact Nique not met by person person but by internet. So My brother calls me and told to call up dad which I had did already. Nique by this time was like want me to take you home? I said no and we proceeded to cuddle. Well ten mins later it was my brother callin. I picked up. Brother asked me to give him the address I was at (let me let you know I was so freaked out of askin him that cause I knew it was going to be the ground breaker and then route home). After this phone call I was off to home. Nique was like my feelings haven't changed but you are obivously needed home and your family are very worried so your going. On the way home it was very very Disturbing quiet so quiet you could have heard a PEN DROP. When we arrived he has the attitude again and a kisses me on the CHEEK to say goodbye. All I could say was sorry for all of this. So I walked in.

So when I got in Anna (Sister -in- Law) and Jay (brother) wanted a print out of my account and told me that Connecticut was the next route if there is another miss up.(they watch my accounts cause they are helping me save money). They told me that I was to delete Myspace and Cut my card. I did cut my card but put up a fight from deleting my Myspace account (I saved It) Which now I am able to return in a FEW DAYS. Things seemed fine. Nique called me that night. Man, let me tell you that while talking to him I got that feeling that he was not interested in me anymore but only hope that he could see that this day wasn't my fault that it was just AN OFF DAY. He assured me everything was fine. Sunday I dialed him up, and texted him = NOT ONE WAS RETURNED. So the next morning I told Anna what the deal was and she wasn't a happy camper and told me she was messaging him on myspace. HE ADDED HER AND CLAIRE to his FRIENDS LIST.

When she got home she had some messages to read. He messages stated that she was proven right that it wasn't going to work out and for me to be careful cause I was going to end up hurt and that every thing that happened on Sat wasn't my fault. That he was to eat his words. He wrote a comment in reply to Anna's on my blogs Stating that he was fond of me, in love, and that I was his life partner. That she wasn't tryin to bother him but look out for my interest. He replyed back saying Maturity levels were down, I wasn't confident in the relationship, and That he still felt the same for me. Well The night before this I went to his myspace to find his Status was Single, Song was changed and I wasn't on his friends List - In myspace words it means your GONE. So she asked why was his status single and his reply was NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

I got pissed and wanted some answers. So I wrote on a sheet of paper my voice mail (why? cause I knew he wasn't picking up).

Hello Nique
Hope your day is going well. lets me get to the point um Maturity levels were very low on your side seein as if I could speak my mind up and not let you hang on a string in return you don't say anything that's on yours. I was very confident in the relationship until last night which wasn't entirely my fault. Somehow my feelings for you haven't changed until you given the final word. Kisses

Yes I know too nice but wasn't sticking to his level. Maturity has nothing to do with what you HAVE but what you say, what you do, and how you carry yourself. Of course didn't get a call back but a text which happened 2 HOURS LATER saying "Please don't call me no More"! I flipped out Cause I have flowers being sent to him on June 6 TODAY For his b-day = A WASTE of MONEY! I sent back "You got it, you'll be receiving something on weds. which was a mistake meant for someone who had a heart. And BTW you were not man enough for my calls anyways. KISSES"

WHAT A FUCKIN DICK RIGHT?

Well, Lets see so far everything is going good! My mother has arrived for Jay and Anna's wedding this weekend. Its so great to see her and be able to hangout with her.

Whats Been Going on or Happenin:

Well for starters our Bachlorette weekend went well, i got drunk and met a new friend! We have been getting close and are basically soul mates. We dance all night and stayed up to watch the sunrise-It was beauitful, I wish everyone would take the time to watch something so amazing.

I have been workin on myself to save money. Its tough but workin out. Its hard not bein able to buy those pair of shoes or purchase that cute pair of underwear. Butif it takes this to get far in Life i am welling to sacrifces my spending for it. You know maturing isn't easy but if you try to make it work it can be for the better!

Now that my mother has arrive there is of course DRAMA creating around here. My father and brother of all people. Yes this is just typical them to fuss and fight! Last night my father said to me that everyone int he house who didn't pick up the phone when he called, He is going to rememebr this and anit helping anyone of us. OK so he is suppose to help me get a car! Looks as if he want be. I am on my last STRAW with him. I am tired of this you know. Being disappointment in him. It like everytime I get closeto where I want to be, I am brought two steps back. I have kept a job, grown up, and always did my best to obey my parents and GIVE BACK TO THEM WHAT THEY HAVE GIVEN ME, and I can't get help gettin a Car. My mother is out of the question-She isn't the one to help me with this causeto be honest she has done enough. My father has never been there for me and For once in his fucked up life he can't get me what he has helped all my other brothers to have. You it get old and upsetting to know that I feel as if I don't exist. Why do all good people get shit and bitch mofos get everything they want. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO WHAT I WANT! And get this, My plan for going to school this year anit happening because of all this. I want to better myself and get schooling so I can start my life ON MY OWN! Thats all I want is to do it and be done with it and MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF! I want to be independant, Make my own choices, Have my own respondabilty, and become successful. If I could just make everyone see just how it really is to be me, you'll do drugs or becomeinsane or even worst in up suicidal. No one will ever get it. No one will ever see just how important all this is to me. I would kill for everyone to know you know?

I am better than allthis I know, And I am tryin to let is blow off the shoulder but when you have no one actually understanding you or wanting to listen it get tough. I am tryinnot to let this get to me but I can only get so far. Hopefully it get better. Pray for me guys! I do need it.


God,
Help me be strongand get through my troubles. Help me get to where I want to be and accoplish all my dreams. Walk down the path with me hand in hand. Show me the way and never let me out your palm. Thanks for All I have and help everyone to see just how lifeis important to me. Help everyone to know that I am trying and help them to help me complete all the things I want to do. Thanks lord for all you've done. Love You. AMEN

Hey Guys, I know its been a while but Hey Been very busy with WAL-MART and wedding things not had anytime to actually sit down and write in here, Granted I have been on the net but I D K-Maybe I haven't actually been in the mood or just forgot I actually have an LJ account. But Yes I am writing it today. I still work at corny ass Wal-Mart and hopefully getting out soon. I've been doing some questioning and search and find that I want to be a Flight Attendant so yes I am trying to pursue it. As well My mother brought up that maybe I should work on a cruise line so yes search up that. Talked to my father a few days ago so GETTING A CAR SOON! Its just been a hectic PLATE for me. As well met a new guy that I am currently dating now John is his name. He is so sweet and I am like him Alot. But I have a few question, Why Do I get the feeling all the time while I am in a relationship that I will get my heart broken or They will break it off soon? Or Why Do I always think that I am falling to fast or giving myself up to easily? IS THIS NORMAL? If anyone has answer or comments PLEASE in lighten me!!!!!!!!!! I D K it always happens to me that when I think I found someone I get a feeling I ain't good enough or It will last only a week! I have looked deep into myself to figure out why but nothing seems to catch the eye. I Really like him alot and want it too work! Relationships are wonderful and make you feel so good at times but Then there is the worries or feelings that come along that make it, crazy and uncomfortable. I have found that guys never want to be serious but just want sex. Why? I mean sex is wonderful and great but it does get old having it all the damn time. Its better with some you LOVE. Sex is too important in this day in age and in fact it ain't but just something you share WITH SOMEONE. Why not have that romantic, sweet, caring, companionship rather than something so disgusting and dirty. If you just in it for sex then why not just ask for AIDS or HIV-You are at more risk! Relationships are great but if your not serious about them then why pursue or even think of asking someone out? That's a Question everyone should ask themselves! Is this what I want? Is This The Person I really want to Spend My time with or Is My time Worth This Person? Don't Be Out To Hurt Anyone Because Like You Everyone Has Feelings and If You Don't Want Yours Hurt In the End Then Treat Others As You Would YOURSELF! Kisses My LJ PEEPS! Muahsssssss

So many things that I want to do but so many others I have to do FIRST! I have been alot of putting together inmy head for ideas. Drawing and buying. Putting ideas into actual WEAR! Designing Clothes is very FUN. Been going through names and everything. All I can think about is how to get MY NAME out there. Its tough and very frustrating. If I knew people it would be A WHOLE lot easier. Also have to get a car so I get around and Go to college for CNA so I do have a base before I try to kick off my clotheing LINE! My plate right now is very busy and want to complete EVERYTHING. I am the type that once my MIND is set to do something I GO FULL FORCE and NEVER SETTLEFOR HALF WAY. Dreams are just dreams but can be an REALITY if your serious about it. Mine hopefully become reality. If you want to see my very first COMPLETEED idea check out my photos. Its quite LOVELY actually. Very updated and different. It anit like no OTHER. And I have three projects to work on. I game plan is to get my ideas copyrighted so NO ONE WILL COPY IT like BITCH. No one will still my HARD EARNED WORK LOL! And send it in to peeps. Its hard but sure I can do it. (If ANYONE KNOWS ANYBODY HOOK ME UP!) So yes Life is very suttle and slow. But on a FASTLANE to some place DIFFERENT. I have been planning for some time to CHICAGO. SO soon. Hopefully I can get someone to move with me and start a whole new LIFE and do many other things. Well let me get off here but hey BTW you guys must go to www.myspace.com/mandymoore, she has TWO new songs on there! They are different and VERY GOOD! VERY ORGANIC_FOLKY! Her new CD will be worth That price of 14.88! Well kisses.

Wow its been a while. Nothing much just blasting music and singing cause NO ONE IS HOME LOL. I love music, if there wasn't any music I would literally go insane LOL! The song I am listening to is Mandy Moore-Drop the Pilot from Coverage. love that album, which it never made sells but HEY I BOUGHT IT, it was very grown up, different and old tunes that needed to have a modern TOUCH!

Well anyways, like I said not alot has gone on just been working alot and GETTING MY LICENSE WEDSDAY! Yes, the moment I have been waiting for. But I have been through so much, you'd understand why at 20 1/2 I don't own a license.
( My Boyfriends gives me shit about not having one, But he knew this from the begining. Fuckin Asshole. Excuse My Language )

Isnt it horriable to have such anger aganist someone your suppose to love. he treats me horribly and he doesn't even know Like he says WE ARE TWO DIFFERENT people. He fusses at me cause I have no way to him and its like hey dude you knew this and if there was a way I would take it. He is like take a cab, UM NO THAT IS MONEY I DON'T HAVE! Plus if you have money to pay a cab you'd be down here to stay for a couple of days RIGHT? He lives 2 hours from me. He is freakin rich ( owns two houses and cars ) and wants me to fork out money I don't have and he goes to freakin clubs EVERY NIGHT but claims to me he doesn't have money to get a hotel ROOM HELLO! But whatever. He doesn't know but it OVER! I have already lost feelings for him. I don't deserve some who doesn't care! I have so much to do like going to college, getting my own place, license and figure out where it is I want to be-NO TIME FOR A BOYFRIEND- I mean if someone sweet and understanding and caring came along HEY! But right now I am doing ME. ME. ME. ME.

But other than that nope nothing going on. But hey I figured why not KEEP my LJ friends updated and not wondering where the hell I WENT!

Just want to say thanks guys for reading my LJs and comments! You keep me writing. LOVE YOU GUYS! BTW damn you guys know how to write and Love your entrys!

Hello KITTY KISSES! Your Prince, BRI

I just got done eating and it was a good meal! Ok so lets get on topic! Why did I name this one SAVE MY EYES because I feel that during out my days I see way too much that I feel I shouldn't have to see! Why should anyone have to see a child being hit or someone yelling at another or have the feeling of just kicking your BROTHER for interfering in a problem he has no say in! There are ways to fix a problem that anyone has no content on! I mean jezz man Lets take care of a problem before it involves more problems! I anit saying to much cause its not my place but you KNOW I just need to vent! I have been through alot as a child to have to see any of this crazy stuff! I have been through rape, abuse, torture, parents divorces, depression and mental abuse-None that now affect me. My childhood was great all round but those things I have been through sometimes bother me seeing the things I see. If You could erase those things THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE! So yes I think I may be done venting LOL! But Yes so the point being is Fix your problems and communicate, things will be MUCH BETTER!

So Yes My day is going ok for the moment and I have to be at work OF COURSE at 10 so this is like a vacation being on the COMPUTER weridly lol! Well Let me go GET READY for my DAY per-say!

As Always,
Hello KITTY kisses!